Sunday, 31 May 2015

Some comments hurt

I'm back at my laptop writing to vent some frustration.. Went to lie on the bed after playing some computer games with the guys, only to find myself in despair.. I guess I was partly affected by the comments made by people who knew about my miscarriages.. I know that everyone meant well, but some comments just didn't help.

Comment #1 (made today)

I had told someone that I wasn't that hungry near dinnertime as I had some chocolates beforehand. The person frowned and said "You have to build up your constitution. Eat healthy - more fish, vegetables."

Thoughts: I have always had a healthy lifestyle. I avoided fatty and oily food. I ate more fish and vegetables than anyone in that family. I exercised - jogged, trekked, did weights etc. I had eaten even healthier during those pregnancies. Why do you have to frown upon me eating a few bits of chocolate? You made it seem as if I had poor constitution and therefore the miscarriages.

Comment #2 (made today)

After that someone said I have to build up my constitution, person no. 2 gave me a "high 5" and said that I could join the "build the constitution" club as she was always falling ill. Then person no. 3 exclaimed "touch wood!" to person no. 2. 

Thoughts: I don't think I even have to elaborate on how hurtful that was.. It just made me feel like a failure..

Comment #3 (always made)

"You are still young. You can always try again."

Thoughts: I don't even think I am that young anymore. Even if I am, so? I have had 3 failed pregnancies in 3 years and the future seems very uncertain now.

Comment #4 (usually made)

"At least you're married. I am still single and you are way ahead of me."

Thoughts: So what if I have gotten married earlier than some people? Many of my peers have already had 1 or 2 babies. And I am faced with an infertility issue. You are single, but you may not have this issue. You may have a smooth journey ahead of you. Is being single now worse than being faced with infertility issues like me?

Again, I know that everyone is trying to help or make me feel better, and they do not mean any harm. But they haven't been through what I have gone through, or experienced the same magnitude of grief and sadness. They wouldn't understand how I would feel with certain comments made..

And tonight, I go to bed feeling like a failure and without much hope left within me... I have been trying to be optimistic, but I don't know how long more I can last before I completely breakdown..

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