It has been 6 days since the last d&c, and I gotta say, I still tear uncontrollably sometimes when I think back about my history. I get dreams associated with it (like yesterday night, I dreamt of friends becoming pregnant, friends asking me about my situation etc). Almost every morning when I wake up, I feel empty and clueless as to what the future would look like.
Starting from today, I told myself that it is time to get rid of the negative thoughts and think positive! Look at the beautiful sun and sky every morning and tell yourself it is a beautiful day. Appreciate every day and moment you have, and build stronger relationships with your husband and family. That's what counts for now!
Humility
I also learnt that in experiencing your sorrow, why not make others happy? Happiness is contagious, and smiles everyday will build your inner well-being.
My in laws had been very supportive through this period - sister-in-laws took leave to accompany me during my d&cs, mom-in-law reassures me that this is not my fault.. My mom is simply the greatest - she made sure to cook and bring me food everyday after the d&cs, ordered delivery food for me even when she has to travel, reassures me constantly and says everyone loves me.. My husband - my one and only and the most incredible man - I know he is hurting too but he has been a pillar of support for me, always being so happy go lucky around me and encouraging me. There is nothing more I can ask for.
The only thing I can do is to also be there for them, appreciate them and spend much quality time with them. Bought some birthday gifts for the sis in laws, wrote my Aunt an encouragement card to overcome her tough times, join my husband in his hobbies.
Life goes on
As my whole family is not in town now, my dog has been alone at home! So, we decided to bring him and my in laws' 3 dogs out to a dog park for them to run about. It was happy times for the dogs, and seeing them smile made my day. My schnauzer's smile is contagious hehe!
Despite the uncertainties you're facing, remember that there are also other blessings you have in life, and life goes on! Put a smile on others today.
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I was so sorry to read of your loss, I cannot imagine how painful it must be. I have had friends who have lost babies, some who have gone on to have a family after, some who haven't. I wish you well and I hope you have your longed for family one day. With love, Sherrie xx
ReplyDeleteThanks very much for your thoughts and encouragement Sherrie! Infertility is often a lonely journey and your words are much appreciated. All the best to you and take care (:
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