Friday, 22 May 2015

Recovering but still hurting emotionally

Recovery after D&C

After having been through 2 D&Cs, I can conclude that the recovery is pretty fast. Bleeding stopped after 2 days or so. There are random minor twinge/ache/cramps that do not persist. I guess it's part of healing process for my uterus.

My body is also trying to adjust back to pre-pregnancy days.. My boobs are still slightly sore. I still have a tummy probably from bloating and the amount of food I ate while in the first trimester. I try not to think about the tummy too much, as it is still the same size as when I was pregnant, but I know that there is no baby in there now.

Still Hurting Emotionally

I randomly commented to my husband yesterday night about how a 'good' baby is supposed to be resilient in the womb, just like how it is hard to shake a good apple off the tree. And that I should act more naturally in the first trimester rather than being tense about everything.

He said something that made my heart ached and I teared uncontrollably. "My grandparents will take good care of our kids." His grandparents had passed away a few years back.

I have been too caught up thinking about what went wrong and my 'bad luck', that I haven't been spending time thinking about our lost child.. I felt utterly guilty for that, and yet I felt calm knowing that our lost children are safely in his grandparents' hands in heaven. While I was still pregnant, I tried to bond with our child every day and night, hoping that my womb was comfortable enough for him/her, and saying that we would get through the pregnancy together as a team.. I am very sorry to have hurt them in any way, and I hope it wasn't too painful for them. God bless them and I hope for the very best for them, as their mother, wherever they are...... Mommy will see you someday..

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